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Patterns Of Addiction




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Addiction Patterns

There are many variations of addiction and there are some which are manifested in very, very different ways. Below are some ways in which addictions can be manifested in a person. These manifestations are combined, varied, and interlocked at times and they overlap each other, which is one reason why addiction is a difficult habit to break.

Resistance and Avoidance

Addictions contain a feel-good factor in that they deliver the person from their painful experiences. But with addiction, everything that is accessible to a person’s view is addiction, especially when it serves as an instrument for resistance and avoidance of the pain that this person feels inside. Even the worst situations, such as cutting up oneself or flagellation can become addictive.

They usually start out feeling the pleasure or the fascination of doing something over and over again and then they begin to find out quite “accidentally” that this pleasure or dark fascination actually has some benefits – they keep them from the pain and the struggles that they experience in everyday living. And it also anesthetizes their consciousness.

And then they begin to indulge in a substance less for the pleasure but more for the results, to be able to keep the ache and the pain away. And when addiction becomes a compulsion, then they begin to resort to greater heights and levels in order to keep the pain away.

Obviously, taking drugs is the most common form of addiction but whether it be ordinary and common stuff such as biting your nails, compulsive shopping or even using your cell phone for most of the day, when these are something you feel that you should do, then it becomes a pattern. The solution would be to ask yourself what would happen if you suddenly stopped this behavior. The real question would be: Are you willing to stop? Can you stop doing this even for just a minute? If you feel that you can’t, then there is really a pattern. But if you tried to stop these addictions, what is the first thing that you would feel? Well, the most obvious would be that if you stop doing all of these things, then there is that immediate feeling of fear. This is actually the fear that tells you that if you stop doing this, something bad will eventually happen and then the pain will recur once more. The things that make you feel bad are the things that probably happened to you a long time ago with relationships, or the things that you have been avoiding for so long that you can’t deal with them.

The Needy Baby

There is a part within each one of us that still thinks that we are a “baby” and that we still need nourishing from our parents, from our friends and from our relationships. Even if you have the most wonderful parents in the world who have been taking care of you ever since you were a child, there can still be an amount of pain inside you that you want to voice out but nobody seems to be listening, or want to listen to you. There are instances where you receive messages that tell you to stop doing that, to suppress your feelings or just literally, to grow up. These messages seem a little bit harsh but even if it was done in the gentlest manner, we can feel angry and attacked inside, and when we express all of these as inner children, there is hardly a positive response from others. This heightens the angry needy child within and this results in a response of anger and judgment.

So, in effect, what then happens to all of these parts which haven’t been completely healed yet? What happens to these parts which are harboring a state of denial and which are having a hard time expressing all of these needy baby feelings?

The most obvious outcome would be for this person to hide his true feelings and resort to “hiding.”

They try to get their needs filled with an outward stimulus that seems pleasurable and delectable. This is where they try to pour out their feelings and express them in negative ways. What they do is really simple: they try to assign labels to people, places and things that tell them that these are the things that they really need and that if they can have these things, then they will be satisfied and happy.

But of course, all of these things are not really eternal. They are just temporary. What the needy baby can do is to cry fully so that he can heal old wounds and in this way, he can bring out all the negative feelings that are stored inside. When this happens, the needy baby can be nurtured and fed, and there are several ways in which to fulfill the needs of the needy baby. The pain and the hurt would then gradually diminish.

Prisoner of War

In this kind of addictive pattern, the subconscious feels detached from the other parts of the personality and feels that it is being judged. It feels that it is separated from the parts which matter, such as the heart, the mind and the soul. When this kind of feeling dominates, it’s as if the whole weight of anxiety, panic, depression, repression, suppression and weightlessness creeps in. It looks as if there is actually no way out.

When all of these things happen, the subconscious now becomes angry and there is hatred in its heart. He backs up into one corner of the room and now becomes a prisoner of war, a child who is hungry for the situations that would make him better. It then starts to take in whatever it deems enjoyable to it – whatever the cost and whatever the pleasure is. The conscious mind then enters into conflict with the subconscious but when the mind does this, the subconscious often takes control over the situation. Drug addicts usually experience this kind of situation – sort of like a feeling of being “unconscious” such as gorging on a piece of cake without even realizing it, going from one department store to another and buying everything that you think you need without even realizing it, or spending too much money on betting on something without being aware of it.

There are two pleasurable things that the “prisoner of war” benefits from here. The first is that the obvious enjoyment of the food, drugs, gambling, shopping, spending or whatever. But the second feeling that this person experiences is a feeling of control, that he is able to “steal” something and be in control. This person actually experiences great power in stealing something, despite how morbid, despite how appalling it could be, and even up to putting the life of this person in great danger. For this person, possessing great power is pleasurable.

Self-Hatred / Death Wish

There are various faces of self-hatred but addiction is considered the most sinister. Obviously, the things that we are addicted to are not really good for our bodies and spirits. Whether things are taken in small amounts or in large amounts or being constantly taken, it could lead to addiction. Self-hatred is quite similar to a little devil on our shoulder egging us on and encouraging us to take more of that substance. This little devil whispers sweet nothings in our ears and even gives out negative comments if you don’t follow his orders. His techniques are based on the thought that you are too weak and too vulnerable to resist, and he keeps taunting us to go on with this type of addiction. When this happens, it really gets very nasty.

This little voice in our heads then exceeds the boundaries and tries another tactic: that of telling us that we are awful, bad, horrible, dumb and all kinds of negative things. If we have a drug problem or a liquor problem, this little devil inside us gathers all the bad information about that you have done under the influence and this will serve as his weapon to nag you later on.

The self-hatred becomes destructive, to the point of having a death wish being repeated in your ear. Even though the death wish in itself is outside your consciousness, it delivers in more ways than one and tries to fulfill your death wish after all.

The worst kinds of scenarios in terms of addiction are those that gives us pleasure at the onset and then drag us down to the pit until you begin to feel depressed and death is now your number one priority.

Chipping

This pattern of addiction means that the person is not really dependent on a substance but the person still maintains a “controlled” usage of the drug. This is implemented by avoiding the major influences that could contribute to this drug dependence, such that the drug is used for relaxation and rejuvenation and not escape. There is a term for this – recreational substance use.

Family Patterns – The Dry Drunk Pattern

A dry drunk is a recovered alcoholic who is no longer physically addicted to alcohol, but who still manifests certain behavioral patterns common to the alcoholics. Take note that the dry drunk patterns that are mentioned here are not only exclusive to those with liquor problems but to those with drug problems as well. These addictive patterns may also be inherited from past generations.

Here are some traits which are considered “dry drunk” behavioral patterns.

  • A firm and judgmental viewpoint on life

  • Irresponsibility

  • Being impatient

  • Pretentious lifestyle

  • Illogical rationalization

  • Childish behavior

  • Exaggerated self-worth

  • Defensiveness

  • Insistence on being correct all the time, even when his reasoning is wrong

These traits describe the addict, whether on not he is drinking, gambling, or high on drugs. The person who is a “dry drunk” basically has control over his behavior but has not changed his attitudes. It is actually the emotional factors that are quite essential and important here. There is a possibility that the patterns of the Needy Baby and Self-Hatred may be combined here. This pattern requires the family to focus on the “addict” himself and when the situation isn’t corrected by understanding and treating the “sickness” pattern of the addict, then the real issue isn’t really addressed.

Family Coping Patterns

There are children who try to cope in a seemingly addictive world which is slightly similar to their parents. They try to be safe and sane in an insane world. Here are some common coping patterns that children utilize:

  • Being a Hero and a Responsible Child. Owning up to their responsibilities makes children displace all their mixed feelings and energies, whether positive or negative, into an outward stimulus such as sports, recreation, school-work, partying, and being able to achieve everything. In doing all of these things, the hero or responsible child takes the attention away from the family problems and instead makes the family look good since he is the one taking charge. The only flaw here is that this is only temporal and is not lasting – the hero/responsible child can never feel good for a long time even though he exceeds in everything. He must admit that even he can’t fix the problems of the family.

  • Scapegoat. There are reasons and purposes why children become delinquents, rebellious, or attention-grabbing at some point in their lives. These attitudes that they portray may divert attention from the real problem of the family: the dependence on this particular substance. The child, who is treated as a scapegoat in the family, may wind up in some cycle of despair and frustration. He acts out to show his frustration, and when he gets blamed for everything, the frustration doesn’t diminish – the frustration heightens. Other feelings such as anger, guilt, and inadequacy also surface.

  • The Actor. There are some children who like to play with masks – by hiding their true feelings and coping with their parents’ addictions by feeling happy and joyful. This attitude may seem to take away the problems of the family with addiction but in reality, it masks the true behaviors of the family.

  • The Lost Child. This is somewhat the opposite of being an actor in the family. There are some children who cope with the addiction in the family by being withdrawn and lost and try to be by themselves most of the time. They actually deny what they feel inside and deny that they are faced with any problems and instead they feel that they are undetectable.

How to Break Your Addiction

The real issue here is that you should try to admit that you have a problem with addiction so that real healing can take effect. It’s important to shout out the pain in order that these dangerous and destructive behaviors can eventually stop. But take caution: if you try to stop the addiction by force or suddenly, be forewarned that you might be shifting to another kind of addiction. It’s possible that you might go from being a smoking addict to a workaholic or to a gambling addict.

In order that the pattern may be changed and in order to stop this addiction completely, you must get to the root of the problem. Being addicted to a substance is just the surface of the iceberg – the real problem lies underneath. There is a real reason why a person is addicted to a substance.

As mentioned above, there are several patterns associated with addiction. These people usually have addictive personalities, and it’s very difficult to break free from these patterns. It feels as if there is a strong current which is leading you in the wrong direction. It is easier to go with the flow than fight against the current. Don’t be wrong – self-control is not the main issue here. There are people who quit their addictions more easily, probably because they have fewer problems to deal with, while for many others it is very difficult. It’s important not to pass judgment on anyone.

As seen above, there are different interpretations about the causes of addiction, and therefore different theories about what must be done to heal them. Some put emphasis on physical factors; others are more prone to consider the psychological aspects. In devising a program to cure your own addiction or to help a loved one, it would be best to cover all of your bases by paying attention to both the physical and the emotional aspects. They are not contradictory, but complimentary.

The Physical Aspect

In today’s Western society, the body and the mind are often seen as two separate entities that are entirely independent from each other. But we now know that our bodies are constantly secreting substances that have an effect on our mood. We also know that addiction is often the ingestion of a mood-altering substance. So it’s not far-fetched at all to imagine that an addicted person is trying desperately to obtain something that is missing inside of him on a strictly physical level, although there could be a parallel on the emotional level that gives even more strength to the person’s compulsion.

  • Nutrition

So a good place to start would be to examine your diet, and find some good nutritional supplements that provide the full range of vitamins and minerals, including trace minerals. Of course you also want to eat healthy food. People who are addicted to alcohol or drugs have notoriously poor eating habits. But good food is not enough. Someone who has not eaten well for a long time needs the extra boost of supplements.

  • Toxic substances

We live in a polluted environment. The problem is that some people can tolerate a higher level of pollution than others. The addicted person’s body may be affected by certain substances that would not bother others. It may require a lot of patient detective work to examine your environment to find the culprit (or culprits). Are you exposed to particular substances through your job or leisure activities? Look in particular for the presence of beryllium, which Hulda Clark holds as responsible for addictions.

  • Parasites

Who would want to be a host to those yucky little critters, whether or not you’re addicted to anything? Treat the whole family. You can try natural remedies, such as black walnut hulls, or try Hulda Clark’s zapper. Just do what is necessary to get rid of them. Remember, the symptoms of their presence can be vague and might not be detected by a regular medical examination.

The psychological aspect

  • Get Help

Some of the emotional factors involved in addictions were mentioned above, but it is beyond the scope of this book to treat this highly complex subject in depth, and anyone with a serious addiction problem needs one-on-one care that only a professional can give. So the first and most important piece of advice here is: don’t try to go it alone. Whether it is you or a loved one that is suffering from an addiction, you need support. Reading this book is a good first step, and hopefully it will give some useful information as well as encouragement, but nothing can replace personal contact.

  • Find A Support Group.

In addition to a doctor and/or therapist, a support group can be a great help. There are people like you who have the same addiction problems and it’s much easier to tell all your problems to them since they can relate to you. One of the most well-known of these groups is Alcoholics Anonymous, but there are others. Look for one where you feel comfortable. These groups can give you a sense of belonging and help you to feel that you are not alone, and they can also impart advice and new ideas to help you.

Alternative Methods

A classical psychotherapist may be just the person you need, but be aware that there are many other useful methods out there. Some require a therapist, such as hypnotism, kinesiology, acupuncture and homeopathy; others you can try alone, although they might be more effective with a therapist. Some of these are NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), EFT (emotional freedom technique), and reflexology. You will note that alternative methods cannot always be classified as belonging to either the physical or the emotional category, because they act on the body and the mind simultaneously.

Helping Yourself

This may seem to be in contradiction to the above paragraphs, but it’s not. Getting help is not the same thing as being totally passive. If you have appendicitis, you go to the hospital, they put you to sleep and take out your appendix. It’s a very passive affair, and quite appropriate for that case. But with addictions, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you, and the people that you find to help you are there to help and encourage you to take the proper action and take responsibility for your life. They can’t do it for you; they can only help you. Below you will find a few suggestions of how you can take action to help yourself:

  • Take one step at a time. Try to reduce the addiction just for a short while until you feel the pain of the withdrawal beginning to surface. While you feel that pain, pose the intention to let go of it. Explore your feelings and let out all the emotions that you feel inside – cry out the pain, feel the pain and all the hurt and even try to express your anger (of course, not too violently, just for yourself). Then take a few deep quiet breaths. Try to feel the place in your body where your addiction lies and try to feel whether it has lessened. When you start to feel it being lessened, see if you can wait a little longer before you take a cigarette or drink a glass of wine. Eventually, you’ll find that the addiction is gradually shifting by itself.

  • Go On Another form of Feeding Spree. Let the “baby” cry out to express his feelings – all the hurt, pain, the anger and the loneliness. Let him speak to you and find some other things to nurture your “baby”, things that you enjoy but that are not destructive.

  • Shift to Another Addiction. This might seem like a ridiculous resolution to an addiction problem but this could really work. While you are dealing with a present addiction, there may come a point where your need for this will eventually loosen but you aren’t ready to let it go. Try to substitute a different addiction that is less destructive. An example would be an alcoholic who continues to smoke, or a smoker who turns to food and gains weight. The root problem of the addictive personality traits are not solved, and the new addiction is less than ideal, but you are moving in the right direction by substituting a lesser evil for a more destructive one.

  • Be Active. Do a little bit of something which interrupts your addiction process. Go for a brisk walk, try a new hobby or go out with a couple of friends for fun and enjoyment. Try something you have never done before. Get your awareness away from the addiction and instead focus on your body and get away from the pain and the desire that you feel whenever you indulge in that addiction. However, a warning: this solution is just temporary. You must get to the root of the problem and not just cure the symptoms.

  • Meditate. As much as possible, try to make contact with the inner light within you and meditate. Embrace the light as it wraps you and fulfills you. If you feel that you are now loved, worthy, hopeful, you are on your way to recovery and gradually beating the addiction. Imagining that you have all these feelings within you is really a way to get all of your feelings of unworthiness to slowly vanish. And this is essential in dealing with your addictions.

  • Do A General “House Cleaning.” Remove all the stuff from your house that could trigger your addiction, such as cigarettes, liquor, gambling cards and others. As much as possible, you can ask a friend or a family member to help you do this.

  • Make sure that your body is getting what it needs. Remember the three vital factors in achieving a healthy body: eat a balanced diet, exercise, and get enough rest. Take vitamin and mineral supplements, as mentioned previously, especially if you are addicted to drugs and with alcohol. Drink plenty of water also. Water helps in cleaning out the toxins from your body.

  • Be Prepared. Be prepared, especially for withdrawal symptoms. If you are facing addictions such as drugs or alcohol, know what the symptoms of withdrawal are and prepare what you need to do in advance. Also, prepare your family and friends by informing them of what you are going through right now – you might become irritable in the days to come because of this withdrawal. If you think that these withdrawal symptoms can be treated, go see a doctor or a nutritionist.

  • Help Other People With the Same Problem. We spoke about support groups earlier. In your support group, you will find that it is a two-way street. Not only are they helping you, but you will find that you have something that they need and that will help them. This will increase your sense of self-esteem and help you to find meaning in the middle of your suffering.