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How To Find True Happiness |
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Simple Strategies To Create Happiness |
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Can we create our own happiness?
Yes because we are always in control. We are given free will to choose what we want in our lives. It is up to us if we want to drive ourselves to true happiness or to misery!
It’s In Our ThoughtsIn order to be happy, we should concentrate on happy thoughts. Happy thoughts are special and memorable moments in our lives. These thoughts are available to us every single day. All we have to do is to recall these blissful moments. For example, we recall the times when we were in love, when we were overwhelmed with feelings of joy. It was during those moments that we were in love with life itself.
The problem with some people is that they tend to remember the negative things longer than the positive things that happened in their lives. They usually remember the compliments they received only for a few minutes and dwell on the insults they received for years! By so doing, they become garbage collectors who carry trash thrown long time ago. As a result, they suffer the consequences since they allow their mind to be occupied by bad experiences.
Remember, we are in control of our own mind and heart. We can choose to make happiness and joy the center of our world. These are always within us. We can always tap into moments of joy and absorb these into our present moment.
No one in his or her right mind would choose to be unhappy. If we take full responsibility for our emotional response to all events in our life, there is nobody else to blame if we are not happy! The choice is ours alone. Happiness does not depend solely on the things that come into our life, but on how we react when those things happen.
Mildred Barthel states, "Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response." We can always create and build our lives around joy and happiness.
Never Set Conditions For HappinessAccording to Arthur Rubinstein, "Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you don't set any condition." Before, I thought that if I graduate from college and get a good job, I would be tremendously happy. Later, I discovered that a job alone does not guarantee happiness.
Do you know someone who constantly says, “If I find the right partner, I will be happy”? Advise them to talk to newly married couples and ask them if they are happy. One of the possible things they may hear is this: “If we have a child, we will feel complete and happy.”
Ask those who already have children if they are happy. They would say that unless their children have grown up, finished their studies, and can stand on their own, they simply could not relax and feel happy. Ask those who have accomplished their mission as parents if they are happy. They long for the days when they were younger!
Do you know of people who say any of the following phrases?
- I will be happy when.....
- I am unhappy because ......
- If only I have .... then I will be happy
- How can I be happy when ....
- Happiness for me is when ….
Sadly, these people will have difficulty in attaining true and lasting happiness for they place conditions on their happiness. They want guarantees for happiness but are unwilling to act first. For this reason, they set conditions on their happiness that can be translated into this: “We are not happy now and we won't be happy at least until our conditions are met.”
On the other hand, we also hear the following phrases from unhappy people:
- You disappoint me!
- You make me unhappy!
- If it wasn't for him I'd be happy.
- She is the source of my loneliness.
- How can I be happy after what he did to me?
These people remain in constant state of unhappiness because of a single reason: the tendency to point the blame on others. Unhappiness begins in the mind. We are in charge of our mind and of what we think. If this is the case, how can we blame others for making us unhappy? We choose our thoughts and feelings. We choose to be happy or not. In this case, we made the wrong choice.
Dislodge Negative ThoughtsLike cancer, negative thinking can kill! It can kill and destroy our whole future. Negative thoughts affect the mind, body, and emotions. We have already discussed the relationship between our thoughts and feelings in the previous chapter.
Just to recap, our thoughts produce our feelings. We get angry by having angry thoughts. It is impossible to feel sad without sad thoughts. Unhappiness does not and cannot exist on its own. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies negative thinking.
So how do we overcome negative thoughts? Stop thinking about them! Our negative feelings are results of our own negative thinking. Apart from refraining to think about negative thoughts, we can turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
One effective technique is to learn a whole new set of happy words. These are words that evoke positive feelings. Other studies refer to these as “Positive Adjectives List” from The Apache Method (The Antidotal Positive Adjectives Character and Happiness Enhancement Method)
According to this particular study, which is based on Emmet Velton's classic paper, “There has been a body of research empirically validating our ability to positively or negatively change our moods by reading phrases like “I feel very good” or “I am afraid.”
So, how do we go about dislodging thoughts of unhappiness?
1. Be aware. We have to catch ourselves when we are about to indulge in negative thinking. In the first few days, we have to be very vigilant.
2. The moment we feel the onset of an unpleasant emotion, we have to identify it as precisely as possible. Is it hatred? Hurt? Fear? Anxiety? Discontent? This is a very critical component of the process as related to the next step.
3. Search for the exact opposite of the negative emotion. Think of its antonym. For example, the moment we catch ourselves feeling “lazy,” we would call to mind an opposite adjective like "energetic." We would then say to ourselves, "I feel energetic."
If we view ourselves as “pessimistic”, we say “I am hopeful.” If we feel we are “incompetent’, we say “I feel ingenious.” What do we say if we see ourselves as “unmindful”? We say, “I am grateful.”
Can we use the same strategy even if we do not feel any unpleasant feelings? Of course! We are encouraged to think and say to ourselves statements like "I feel fabulous" to reinforce our mood, or statements like "I feel strong" or "I feel friendly" in order to enhance our character.
Other people have introduced variations to the said technique. Others say it aloud in front of the mirror every morning for ten minutes for twenty-one days. Saying it aloud increases its effectiveness as it represents emotional involvement. This is no different from expressing positive affirmations and doing self-talk. Others find it more effective by writing the statements on paper, as they become more “physically” involved.
Here are some of the happy words from the Apache Project. We just have to add "I feel" or "I am" to produce positive effects.
happy
grateful
determined
professional
sincere
focused
imaginative
successful
cheerful
inventive
tidy
open-minded
desirable
fair-minded
courageous
peaceful
stylish
cordial
appreciative
spontaneous
impartial
sensible
relaxed
loyal
alive
charming
good mannered
grounded
truthful
gorgeous
practical
industrious
mature
reasonable
powerful
fabulous
gracious
goodhearted
wise
philanthropic
consistent
dedicated
persuasive
amazing
calm
desirable
studious
confident
decisive
hopeful
big-hearted
genial
flexible
terrific
democratic
impressive
charitable
productive
good-natured
awesome
dependable
prompt
splendid
energetic
amicable
discerning
generous
fashionable
Sixth key to happiness: Happiness is mostly created, and rarely given.
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How To Find True Happiness by PsiTek - Simple Strategies To Create Happiness |
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